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So lately my husband and I have been having some interesting conversations about life, love and relationships. We have what we think of as a very normal, very loving, and very dynamic relationship. We have been married for several years and one of the things that we agreed upon was to be 100% honest in everything. We didnt meet as fresh faced teens in some Romeo and Juliet style thing we met as adults, both with interesting and colorful pasts. We decided that in order to be happy we would lay it all out on the table to the very last and most intimate detail and start off from there. There were no secrets, nothing hidden there was and is 100% honesty and disclosure. This is how we live, open and free to admit to each other anything and everything without fear of judgement. We share dreams, desires and are even open about people we are attracted to and fantasize about. I love this honesty and freedom with no jealousy involved. It keeps things frombeing boring.

Now dont get me wrong we arent "schwingers" like they had in the 70s, That whole thing is hilarious ( especially when they call it "The Lifestyle") We are pretty much monogamous aside from the occasional girl crush but we are totally open about what we love, what we lust for and what we want for our future.

So what of this "Infidelity Fetish" ? Recently we watched the film "UnFaithful" with Diane Lane. Aside from both of us having complete and utter Diane Lane Lust ( I also wouldnt kick the French guy out of bed) we both came away feeling like we learned and felt something intense. We talked about the film and about the way the events played out and we realized that as awful and painful as infidelity is we would not leave each other if anything like that happened. After all the life we have spent with each other, what we have invested into each other emotionally and spiritually is worth so much more than just a one time liason with a stranger. Prior to this relationship we were both the type to pull the ejection handle at first notice of the threart of infidelity. Now we feel that we have grown past it. We both somehow realized that a good relationship can transcend infidelity if the foundation is right.

So why do I write about this? Well after this bit of relationhsip epiphany we realized that there is somewhat of an infidelity fetish in us both. We dont want to cheat, we dont plan on cheating but the prospect of it makes us tingle with excitement. We are both insanely turned on by the danger of it, the excitement of it but the honesty about it eliminates any need to actually do it. Once jealousy has been eliminated from the relationship it seems that the need to physically realize infidelity is completely gone.  The forbidden fruit is suddenly not forbidden and the luster of it's appeal has gone kind of dull. The rebellion seems to be less romantic.

To this day I marvel at the jealous and the possesive they are in reality polishoing that forbidden fruit to a lustrous and desirable sheen and making that forbidden fruit seem so much more delicious. I marvel at the women who loathe me for making their husbands and boyfriends drool a little ( My skimpy dresses caused a neighborhood relationship meltdown) Dont you ladies realize that by being that way you are making them want it all that much more? Ironically the "dumpee" in that relationship was a frumpy, boring "love me the way I am and quit looking at that slut Audrey" type. My husband lusts after this cute girl at our local coffee place. I know about it, he admits it to me, I agree she is hot and I can totally see wanting to get with her. You have to be a blind asexual to not notice her and you have to be a scared hypocrite to not admit to liking her. Basically in being Ok with that I am OK with my husbands HUMANITY !

I am also baffled by possesive control freak men who forbid their wives and girlfriends the freedom to be friends with men or to mention anything about another man. My husband is great this way. I used to work with this cute German guy who was a bit younger than me, we hung out, we worked together, he was CUTE. Did I feel the need to take it further and go covert? No because I was allowed to feel what I felt and be open about it. No macho head trip or threats of violence just once again acknolwedgement that I am human and I am alive. Possesive men  too are fueling the fires and giving rise to an absolute lust for infidelity. I know because I had a boyfriend like that once and while he was being a possesive kook I was more "active"than ever in my life both with men and with girls. To this day I relish thae fact that I did it amd think he completely deserved it ! My husband? Never been cheated on !

All basic human nature if you break it down. We all need love, lust, passion and an element of danger in our life. We as humans need that and crave it. We do what we do so as to stay as attractive and as noticeable as possible to other people. We want to be wanted, lusted after, fantasized about, etc. This is human nature and it is a beautiful thing. We need to come to terms with our animalistic instincts and embrace the intensity that makes us feel alive. Who could have thought it might partially come from something we like to call an infidelity fetish.


Miss Audrey
  • Listening to: Harry James
  • Reading: My own ramblings here
  • Watching: Classic cinema
  • Playing: with ideas
  • Eating: not much at all. The camera isnt that forgiving
  • Drinking: Hazelnut Coffee
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SpeakSexy Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2011
It would appear as if you both have transcended the societal expectations placed on you and enforced by your lesser enlightened peers.
In plain english I have to compliment you on this piece. It's very insightful in that it shows others just how to find untainted love and uninhibited communication through trust and relaxation in a relationship.
Like a hand with sand in the palm. If you're too lax with your partner they'll drift away. But if you rule with an iron grip (from fear, insecurity, etc) then they'll still slip through your grasp.
Either way you both lose.
Sexily yours....
(if a president can make up words I can too)
cjheery Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Well said. And I agree. My girlfriend and I talk about those we lust after and I tease her about her crushes and she mine. I even tell her that I fantasize about doing a stranger from craigslist. It's all just in fun. The only say I'd cheat is if I don't get attention at home. Kudos to you for your honesty.
DecoGoddess Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
We are the samw way. Alot of times are spent talking about or pointing out strangers we might like to get into bed with. Why not? We feel it and why not be honest about it?

As for cheating it is the same thing here. The only way either of us would cheat outright in the creepy behind the back fashion would be if we were in a controlling, abusive or negligent relationship.

No stress the way we live but there are some seriously fun stories..............................
thuggiardo Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2011
i think i understand my crushes, crushing
i believe my crushing is able to transcend sex, penises and vaginas and power and possessiveness and ...
until it is spiritual?
but i may also overestimate my maturity level because my crushing gets me in trouble, loses me female friends
or i overestimate their maturity level?
when i am rebuffed and i say yeah i still have a crush on you but it's ok because i can change it into something else.
isnt that what a creative outlet is for? i can expand this reality, i can expand my crush. after a crush can come love, which is consummated in the heart if not also in the body.
am i the fool here?
my crushes dont originate in my pants, although admitedly there is a forceful 2nding of the nomination from that area.
not to get too hippy-dippy, but i think my crushes originate in the 3rd eye, something i see that isnt seen???
like, "mmm, something about YOU!"
arent we supposed to love? maybe it is the conservative/drunkardly area i live in or something else, but i feel that people are afraid to love. reject to avoid rejection...
sorry, getting off topic...
if it is true that we are a single living being separated into individual bodies... perhaps the infidelity fetish is an attempt to make that a hell. we try to make our hell until we accept that making a heaven is possible too. perhaps marriage, a union beyond just the legal stuff, is the attempt to make individual bodies a heaven?
that our bodies can be a gift/offering to the marriage?

i think people are generally afraid of heaven
maybe because we have been told we are sinners and dont deserve god but by his grace he accepts us anyway (thanks asshole, haha!)
or maybe they told us that because it is what we feel anyway and it is an effective means of control!

anyway, glad to hear it sounds like you have made some heaven!
ct-cpl Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2011
Hmm... my wife and I are both flirtatious by nature and we are quite honest and open with one another. Our friends joke about us still being in the "honeymoon phase" despite just having our ninth anniversary... so yeah, it's fantastic and healthy to keep a positive dialogue with one's spouse.
DecoGoddess Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Absolutely ! In reality we are a very normal regular couple, this is our only forte into "alternative" lifestyles.

Honesty makes so many problems simply vanish
CoreyByas Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2011  Professional General Artist
last relationship was tough, I worked at a bar as door person & I would just talk to a female & she would get all bitchy for a better word. I was the opposite & never got jealous. Shes the reason I don't date anymore.

I remember tho when she saw this guy walking down the street & she was reaching for the car door handle and she ended up walking right past the car & still trying to find the handle by the front wheel. She saw this guy & couldn't stop looking at him. Its funny but its really the only memory I still smile about that relationship.
DecoGoddess Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Ugh I hate that sort of thing. Talk about hypocrisy. Interesting to read your account. I NEVER check men out like that. I dont find the appeal and attraction through looks. Men I value for intellect and demeanor women I value for aesthetics and such. Perhaps the advantage of being into both. Guess each fills a particular niche for me
TheGreatGod Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2011  Professional General Artist
Yes, well said, I am challenged by these thoughts as I get more serious in my relationship.
DA is my outlet as well I must admit.. :blush:

This book:


seems to address these themes, I've been meaning to check it out myself and it is very well researched and cited. Anyway, cheers for provoking my thoughts!
DecoGoddess Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Will need to check that out.

So glad I can make people think. I am more than just boobs and legs ; )
fracrist Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Another interesting journal I cannot resist to comment... damn! ;)

Well, first of all I have to say that infidelity has always been a constant in all my past relationships. Why? Because I live sex as the "cherry on the cake" of something that makes me very happy, that's why I usually "fell" after romantic and stimulating situations as exhibitions, late night deep talkings and so on. But I don't feel that like a true cheating, because I never looked for those moments neither have I searched new "friends".

Now I have a good relationship with my girlfriend and I really envy you and your husband for the openness of speaking there is in your couple: I feel bad if I say to my gf that I was attracted by someone else and I feel even worse if she tells that to me. Is it a lack of trust? No, I don't think so. I trust her and she trusts me, that's why we both can go out with our friends of the opposite sex and no bad thoughts come out. That's also why I shoot at beautiful girls without a watchdog behind me.

Am I jealous? Hmmm... yes, to be honest I am bit jealous. And is she jealous? Yes, she always tell me "don't fall in love with the model!" when I go shooting girls. Is it a problem to us? Hmmm... I don't really know if this will turn into a problem later when years go by, but for now this is not a problem.

I totally agree with you when you say that speaking of infidelity with our partner makes the thing less "forbidden fruit" but it's so risky business...

Thank you again for making me think about an interesting theme. :)
DecoGoddess Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
I have had many relationships and he has as well we both realized that only this approach would work for us both. He told me upfront a few weeks into it that he would ALWAYS look at and want other girls, he wouldnt cheat but he would look. I appreciated the honesty and being tha I am bi and I always check out ther girls too it works out quite well. Being upfront this way takes the "forbidden fruit" mystique out of the picture and makes us feel more calm and more relaxed together. We both know there are no secrets !
stefe-photographer Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2011   Photographer
mmmmmmmmmm Interesting.

My partner, wife, girlfriend everything to me (jessica) have been together for over 40 years. We both have been monogamous, met when we 18, couldn't keep are hands off each other, pregnant at nineteen children, house, marriage at 20, still together 5 offspring later, 4 x moving house, been employed, unemployed, self employed everthing, ups and vicious downs. We've discussed what we did before, my wife playing spin the bottle when she was at school and flash her tits to eager boys. Me I just wanked......

However recently during a vicious (not violent btw!) down in our relationship while I was photgraphing nude models from portrait to glamour to artisitc nude to very nearly porn, Jessica has flited and had an infedelity fetish, having a relationship with a customer wher she worked with, resulting in mobile phone sex with him after he moved away which included her taking intimate and very erotic phots of her self and texting them to him (and other men later). Ad during a long period on Facebook playing scabble stated chating to men , which resulted in a move to MSN chat rooms and consequently vdeo calls on which she exposed herself, flashed her tits and stripping. She is a very sexy 60 year old with a fantastic body!

Now she did this at times without me knowing while I was in the next room, she also did while workmen were in the house renewing the windowframes.....AND WHY.... because she found it daring and sexy and fun and safe but with risk of being caught, which I did!!!!. After 41 years together I can't really be jealous in fact I was annoyed that she had lied about what she was doing. All relationships were plutonic, fun, sexy, daring say what you want. After all I have been photographing 'other women' naked in artistic and sexy poses.

I am not posessive nor controlling, nor is jessica. If you relationship is close trusting and sexy why not flirt and have an infedelity fetish ...................its sexy and fun. And I now flirt with my models when I can and Jessica knows it!!!!!
DecoGoddess Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Interestingly enough I think that my presence here on DA is a bit of an infidelity fetish. Many treat me as an object of lust and are open about it and my husband knows it and sometimes reads the comments. If I like the person sometimes I flirt back and feel free to do so.

We had both been through infidelity and realized coming into the relationship that we would simply say it all the way it is and so farit has worked out beautifully for us !
stefe-photographer Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2011   Photographer
I agree that yes you are flirting here as Jessica my partner was but through a different medium.

As a photographer I must admit I don't lust after my model. It is believe it or not the old phrase 'no its art honestly' I see the artisic presence in the model and the pose. However if the model and I 'click' and we can banter and flirt its fun, sexy and 'should I shouldn't I'scenario comes round.

Yep, its sexy and its fun. In fact I'm flirting and having fun with 'seconbest' on DA here presently as I am soon going to shoot with her.

Steve :kiss:

PS AND yes, are you in the UK? May get round to shooting you one day. Love your work x
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Submitted on
July 26, 2011