So lately my husband and I have been having some interesting conversations about life, love and relationships. We have what we think of as a very normal, very loving, and very dynamic relationship. We have been married for several years and one of the things that we agreed upon was to be 100% honest in everything. We didnt meet as fresh faced teens in some Romeo and Juliet style thing we met as adults, both with interesting and colorful pasts. We decided that in order to be happy we would lay it all out on the table to the very last and most intimate detail and start off from there. There were no secrets, nothing hidden there was and is 100% honesty and disclosure. This is how we live, open and free to admit to each other anything and everything without fear of judgement. We share dreams, desires and are even open about people we are attracted to and fantasize about. I love this honesty and freedom with no jealousy involved. It keeps things frombeing boring.
Now dont get me wrong we arent "schwingers" like they had in the 70s, That whole thing is hilarious ( especially when they call it "The Lifestyle") We are pretty much monogamous aside from the occasional girl crush but we are totally open about what we love, what we lust for and what we want for our future.
So what of this "Infidelity Fetish" ? Recently we watched the film "UnFaithful" with Diane Lane. Aside from both of us having complete and utter Diane Lane Lust ( I also wouldnt kick the French guy out of bed) we both came away feeling like we learned and felt something intense. We talked about the film and about the way the events played out and we realized that as awful and painful as infidelity is we would not leave each other if anything like that happened. After all the life we have spent with each other, what we have invested into each other emotionally and spiritually is worth so much more than just a one time liason with a stranger. Prior to this relationship we were both the type to pull the ejection handle at first notice of the threart of infidelity. Now we feel that we have grown past it. We both somehow realized that a good relationship can transcend infidelity if the foundation is right.
So why do I write about this? Well after this bit of relationhsip epiphany we realized that there is somewhat of an infidelity fetish in us both. We dont want to cheat, we dont plan on cheating but the prospect of it makes us tingle with excitement. We are both insanely turned on by the danger of it, the excitement of it but the honesty about it eliminates any need to actually do it. Once jealousy has been eliminated from the relationship it seems that the need to physically realize infidelity is completely gone. The forbidden fruit is suddenly not forbidden and the luster of it's appeal has gone kind of dull. The rebellion seems to be less romantic.
To this day I marvel at the jealous and the possesive they are in reality polishoing that forbidden fruit to a lustrous and desirable sheen and making that forbidden fruit seem so much more delicious. I marvel at the women who loathe me for making their husbands and boyfriends drool a little ( My skimpy dresses caused a neighborhood relationship meltdown) Dont you ladies realize that by being that way you are making them want it all that much more? Ironically the "dumpee" in that relationship was a frumpy, boring "love me the way I am and quit looking at that slut Audrey" type. My husband lusts after this cute girl at our local coffee place. I know about it, he admits it to me, I agree she is hot and I can totally see wanting to get with her. You have to be a blind asexual to not notice her and you have to be a scared hypocrite to not admit to liking her. Basically in being Ok with that I am OK with my husbands HUMANITY !
I am also baffled by possesive control freak men who forbid their wives and girlfriends the freedom to be friends with men or to mention anything about another man. My husband is great this way. I used to work with this cute German guy who was a bit younger than me, we hung out, we worked together, he was CUTE. Did I feel the need to take it further and go covert? No because I was allowed to feel what I felt and be open about it. No macho head trip or threats of violence just once again acknolwedgement that I am human and I am alive. Possesive men too are fueling the fires and giving rise to an absolute lust for infidelity. I know because I had a boyfriend like that once and while he was being a possesive kook I was more "active"than ever in my life both with men and with girls. To this day I relish thae fact that I did it amd think he completely deserved it ! My husband? Never been cheated on !
All basic human nature if you break it down. We all need love, lust, passion and an element of danger in our life. We as humans need that and crave it. We do what we do so as to stay as attractive and as noticeable as possible to other people. We want to be wanted, lusted after, fantasized about, etc. This is human nature and it is a beautiful thing. We need to come to terms with our animalistic instincts and embrace the intensity that makes us feel alive. Who could have thought it might partially come from something we like to call an infidelity fetish.